Natasha's Abuse
by MiniCinnamon99
Summary: Not how it sounds. Natasha takes it upon herself to let the rest of the world know that if you mess with her teammates, you mess with her. Rated T for a lot of F-bombs and other language. It gets a lot better toward the end but if you don't like don't read. Features all teammates and Phil but Natasha is most prominent.


Well, I had the worst computer problems for the past couple months but I think I might be back. Don't get your hopes too high, though. No idea yet if this computer will hold up.

I don't own the Avengers or anything associated with them except a DVD that I didn't even buy myself.

* * *

Natasha wasn't one to take abuse (anymore), and she certainly wasn't one to dish it out (unless it was necessary). It brought back too many memories. Ones she'd rather not think about. But her job was all she knew, so she dealt with those demons every time she stepped on the field.

However, when someone stepped between her and the few (and she MEANS _very few_) people she cared about, the abuse was warranted. Like the woman Steve had started dating a month ago.

The scrawny little bitch had started making jealousy arguments out of nothing. Mainly she was jealous of Natasha living with Steve and the fact that she wasn't allowed to. It was different though. Natasha and Steve were teammates, and Steve didn't take relationships fast by nature so of course she wasn't allowed to live in the Tower.

She had become pretty verbally abusive to Steve and the other teammates. Some of her snide remarks had really hit home in her frequent visits.

So Natasha had stepped up to the plate to protect her boys. It was her job and she had gotten sick of the excuses. So that little witch had been shown a few things, including the door.

That was just how it was. Natasha didn't take abuse, but she dished it out when necessary when it came to her boys. And no ever thanked her. But she was okay with that.

* * *

Tony:

It figured that Tony would be down in the lab. After the day he'd had it just figured. And in the state Natasha had found him…well she had half expected that too.

It had been a really bad mission. In the top two worst. Horrible.

The newest villain of the week had been vicious. It was a mad teenager with a bunch of rogue robots, that had poisonous blades on each hand for fingers and they chased after civilians.

Of course, Tony had been dealing with his newest fundraiser at the time so he held the team up in getting there. Steve reamed him all the way to the battle and Tony didn't say one word.

Tony had already been upset because his newest fundraiser was a hospital for sick kids. He had been in a fragile state of mind that morning already when he and Natasha passed each other in the kitchen like they had a tendency to do at 3:00 am.

So on top of being emotional he was read the riot act for something beyond his control. That was Natasha's strike one.

The second was that when the Avengers finally did show up over three hundred civilians were infected with the poison and over two hundred of those had already died. It was incredibly fast acting.

So of course that was even more guilt solely on Tony's shoulders. But that wasn't even the worst of it. Tony's suit had been being upgraded, since they had no forecasted missions anytime soon, and he hadn't finished the night before because he was preparing for the fundraiser.

Because his only suit not in storage was at half capacity, he failed to save three civilians from some falling debris.

After that both Clint and Steve spent the entire battle running commentary and telling Tony off for being more responsible with his equipment. That was definitely Natasha's strike two.

Her strike three came after the battle. They were finished and at the Helicarrier, and Fury made Steve give everyone the report. Usually both her and Steve gave it but Fury never got to her side of the report before giving Tony another dressing down about how this was a 'team of people the world depends on' and about how Tony 'shouldn't be trusted with the well-being of the populous if this was how he was going to act'.

Natasha had had enough. But before she could break her ice cold composure Tony had simply agreed with everyone in his snide way that he used to defend himself from reality and emotions, and gave his official team resignation. He had given everyone forty-eight hours to "get the hell out of his fucking tower, or he'll burn it down without giving a fuck" since he has "seventeen other places to currently call home".

Once he was gone Natasha had lost it.

_"__What the fucking hell is _WRONG _with all of you!?"_ She had snarled.

"_It's bad enough he thinks himself unworthy to be here on this team but, then to go after him for everything that went wrong today? You wanna know why Tony was late? He was running late at a fundraiser for kids who are going to die without his help! You wanna know why his suit wasn't up to code? Because he stayed up until five in the morning trying to reprogram it but was distracted about the fucking heart wrenching experience he had to live through the next day! And if that wasn't enough, you guys are sitting here blaming him for not saving three civilians or forcing us to be late for those other three hundred when the truth is anyone of you were closer to those three than he was and you could've left without him like I suggested, so we could've done more! Tony has had one shit fuck of a day and you guys seem to take every advantage to try and make it worse! You know what? We failed New York as a team today, but more than that we failed Tony as team today! So before you read him another riot act for something that was _YOUR_ fault, climb down from your mighty perches long enough to see that not everyone else is as fucking perfect as the All American Boy Scout here, or his loyal dogs!"_

Yeah she had gotten pissed. And no one really expected that of Natasha because she always seemed so distant, but she had come to care for every one of the boys in her life. They could still piss her off when they started ganging up on each other like today, but she loved all of the idiots. Now she had to pull one out of the large well of self-pity he had dug for himself. And she certainly had no clue how to do that. She was no den mother.

But she would try, because no one deserved to drown in self-loathing and misery.

So to sum it all up, it had been a shit fuck of a day and Natasha had fully expected the lab to be torn apart and scattered in every violent direction you could imagine. It had been overturned, thrown, and smashed in several different waves from what she could tell. At least the layers of debris led her to that conclusion.

She had even expected a liquored up Tony, but what she had not expected was Tony holding a blade over his wrist. She lurched forward, as if to run to him, but her mind caught up with her body and just as quickly as she had surged forward, she stopped.

She could see, now, that he was just holding it there…seemingly contemplating what were, on closer inspection, old scars…_Oh, Tony…_

Calmly (on the outside, but panicking beyond all hell on the inside) she walked toward him, where he leaned on the dividing wall between his cars and his work benches.

When she reached him, she could see he had gotten several post-battle scrapes and bruises, no doubt occurring in his lab's destruction.

And even more worrying were the tear tracks on his face and the quivering of his shoulders.

Still trying to think of what to say, she simply sat down next to him and reached for the bottle of whiskey he had been intent on emptying.

It was only after she had taken a generous swig that she spoke.

"A shit day, if I've ever had one."

Tony took a shaky breath and gave a mirthless bark of laughter, "And you would know all about that wouldn't you? You were once just as much of a monster as I currently am."

Now no matter how bad Tony was feeling, _no one_ ever threw that in her face, especially when she was trying to be kind. So she slapped him.

"Don't think I'm here to agree with you Stark. I'm not here to condemn you because you have no idea what being a monster entails!"

And she did. Oh god did she know. But she had made peace with that. This was about Tony's issues.

She was expecting him to snark out more of her baggage that she was sure he was able to find on some goddamn file that she had missed, but instead he just sighed brokenly.

"You don't get it Tasha. I _am_ a monster. I was called one for years. My…Howard knew it from the minute I was born. He…I strove my whole life to prove him wrong but in the end all I did was become more of a killing machine, a torture artist at every turn. I killed millions and millions of innocent people, I paid for some of their living family members to be sold into slavery, I decimated entire towns and small countries. Tasha, I tried my whole life to not be that monster he swore I was, and just when I thought I had finally climbed out that hole, when I thought I had finally turned it around like you managed to do, I wind up being the same man who killed millions of people with his arrogance and his weaponry. In this case, it was the lack there of. I can't be a good guy when I don't make weapons of mass destruction, and I can't be a good guy when I do. So what's the point? I'm just a monster. Nothing that anyone will miss."

And Natasha curses. She curses Howard and his shit fathering skills, she curses Stane for beating every ounce of trust Tony ever had out of him along with all of his self-confidence, she curses Maria for never being a mother to the poor kid, Natasha curses the damn legacy that all three of them _forced_ on Tony. She curses all of the people and magazines that have made Tony into what he is, she curses all of the people who made weapons and sold them without his knowledge. She curses all of the women who only slept with him to get money or recognition, she curses all of the people who only needed Tony for his influence and she cruses the team as a whole for not being there for him. She curses Steve in particular for his ridiculously high standards, and she curses herself for not being able to protect him from it all.

And she realizes that she and Tony really are a like in more ways than one. And it's disturbing how closely they parallel each other.

Her past was forced on her, as his was on him. Neither could escape their captors' clutches, whether it be the media or the Red Room. They were forced to kill hundreds, thousands of people with no memories of it (him because he wasn't witness to it, and her because the Red Room had altered her memories). The many murders they had memories of still gave them nightmares. The torture they endured and the red in their ledgers seemed to follow them and whenever anyone could it would be thrown in their faces. And they both dealt with it by internalizing and self-loathing.

It was…

"Ridiculous," Natasha finally declared out loud, "That is fucking ridiculous if I've ever heard it. Okay so I never took into consideration in exactly how many ways we were similar but big deal. Does the team judge me on my past?"

"No but that's different," Tony scoffed as he sniffled quietly.

"How," Natasha demanded hotly.

"You've been doing good for years before I was Tasha, and plus it's not public knowledge. The team can't judge what they don't see."

"They don't see it Tony, because I had to work to make it that way. I erased every record of what…they made me do. Nothing escaped to the public like some others wanted because I made it that way. It had to be that way so I could start over. I've seen you're offices Tony. Their like shrines to your destruction. Before anyone else can see you for anything other than being a monster, you've got to believe you're not first. And for me… that was the hardest part. I of course had my partner to kick my ass about it for months. I'm sorry I'm a bit late."

"'A _bit_ late' she says," Tony scoffed, but it wasn't sarcastic or biting. She could tell she had gotten through if only just a little bit. Because he knew she knew what he was struggling through. The puny and simple words she had just spewed, meant absolutely nothing. Less than nothing. It was the fact that she had gone through the same thing and come out the other side that had made him realize he had as well.

And that was all Tasha could ask for. So she smiled and stood up, taking the whiskey with her.

"Aren't you gonna take the blade?" Tony's timid voice called to her from the floor. She looked down and raised an eyebrow.

"Do I need to?"

Tony hesitated, and then tossed it away from him.

"No I…it's just it had become a habit whenever someone else called me out on it…I would make sure I looked the part."

Natasha's gut clenched and before she knew what she doing, (just like all of the nice crap she had just verbalized and had no idea where it came from) she pulled up her left sleeve.

Crouching down she extended her arm so that it paralleled his, and was surprised to see how similar their marks were as well.

Not only were their whole unfortunate lives the parallel of the other on each side of the rich/poor spectrum, their forms of self-loathing went hand in hand as well.

She looked up to see Tony's stunned face and smiled.

"Living with it doesn't get easier Tony," she said slowly, "But I've learned you just have to find how to make it worthwhile the torture. I had someone to help me. And I'm sorry you haven't…up until now."

Tony's smile melted her icy heart.

"I chewed the team and Fury out so it should only take them a few hours to come and apologize. You should clean this place up and I'll make sure to keep them occupied with finding new ways to make it up to you."

As Natasha walked out of the lab, Tony's barking laugh made her chuckle all the way to the common floor.

Needless to say Tony was not without a coffee on his work bench every morning (Bruce), a new paper in his bedroom doorway every day (Steve), a homemade meal at all meal times (Clint), a different joke book in his office every lunch hour (Thor), and a new pranking partner for the night for the next three weeks (Natasha).

Although not one '_Sorry_' was uttered in the entire Tower (Tony hated pity with a passion) Tony himself had never looked happier. And that's how Natasha looked after Tony. Sharing demons.

* * *

Bruce:

It had been an accident. It really had. But when people (mainly the newbie fucking Agents with death wishes) starting making it out to be Bruce's fault, there had been one angry Widow storming around the Helicarrier, trying to find the quiet Physicist.

She couldn't care less what the Hulk had done to her in the past, that was the past and in no way Bruce's fault. And ever since then the poor Hulk looked like a kicked puppy whenever she was anywhere near his line of sight in battle. He'd even gone so far as to throwing himself off a cliff above the ocean to save her from a watery grave on the rocks below. So yes, she trusted both the Hulk and the Doctor with her life.

And because of that, _no one_ messed with Bruce. He was another of her boys and once you took a swing at him, you ended up riling her instead.

Yes she was very pissed. Just as pissed as with the Phil incident a few weeks back when some newbie made a passing comment she detested. And shit was going to get real when she got her hands on the fucking pip squeak who started the whole goddamned thing. And she knew for a fact Tony was just as pissed off. He was looking for Bruce too.

The rest of the Avengers and higher up Agents had declared it more beneficial to their health if they just stayed out of the way. The smartest decision any of them ever made.

Anyway, back to the incident.

There had been a very volatile substance confiscated from one of Natasha's targets, and she had had no idea how to secure it properly, so she called it in.

The only one that had any idea was Bruce so SHIELD flew him out to where she was (in Florence, Italy at the time).

However, he couldn't get to the secluded area, so she had to carefully transport it from the underground of the building, through the vents, to the top side of the building where he could take over.

However, she hadn't had any proper equipment with her and had sort of half-assed something as best she could. Somewhere along the way, something had gotten in the solution and by the time she had reached ground level, she was panicking.

She barely had the presence of mind to follow Bruce's instructions, trying not to get burned by the liquid. She would've left it behind but Bruce assured her it would be too dangerous to do that and that he could stop the reaction if she got there in time.

So she trekked on and made it outside, panic attack firmly in place, and solution sufficiently beyond all help.

Seeing Natasha's predicament from a mile away (literally, they had landed a mile out) Bruce had changed, relieved Natasha of the solution, and left her in a panicking heap as he bounded away. He only got a few of his half-a-mile-long-leaps away when the damn solution exploded. Thankfully they were in a secluded area, and the Hulk started destroying buildings and other things until he was tired and then passed out.

The SHIELD team had loaded an exhausted Natasha and Bruce both back in the helicopter and had taken them both back to the Helicarrier.

And she had been assured that Bruce had only left the Med-Bay before she woke up, and not the Helicarrier altogether, so she had been asking around and looking for him to make sure he really was fine.

However, that was how she got wind of newbies and their idiotic theories about the Hulk causing the whole damn mess.

And she was steamed that he was being blamed, especially when it was HER fault. And the more she heard about, the angrier she got.

And she knew Tony was staying as far as possible from her because he was angry _at her_. He had every right to be, since she let this happen in the first place. He had even called her and said she was banned from the tower until she made this right because she was a better mother hen than that. She scoffed at 'Mother Hen' but otherwise agreed whole-heartedly.

She didn't plan on leaving the damn ship until she found him anyway because she knew the moment she did, he would take off to India or some place. The only thing that kept him here right now was the fact that he knew she was monitoring all flights and aircrafts. She would find him and follow him if he left now.

So she had to find him before he found a way around her. And that made her even angrier.

It was in the middle of her angry stalking when she saw Bruce look at her and then turn to go the opposite way.

But she knew him better than that.

"Bruce," her cold tone commanded his attention and he couldn't do anything but slump his shoulders in defeat.

As he turned around, he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. She took in his SHIELD issue clothes and figured he had none of his own anywhere he knew of on base.

But she knew of a place.

And she felt too responsible to be angry at him, so she settled for being angry at the rest of the world and turned away from him.

"Come," she said with as much animosity as she could. She really just wanted him to hear her displeasure at his attitude. No doubt he would think it was for his actions but she'd straighten him out soon enough. The animosity was enough to gain his attention for now.

As she heard his reluctant footsteps she moved forward, with purpose so as to discourage anyone from blocking their path.

His footsteps quickened in pace to keep up with her and she smirked. He was always so eager to please.

There were a few people in the halls that stared at them or smiled wickedly his way, no doubt thinking she was going to punish him. She made a mental note to find those particular people later and let them know just how wrong they were. SHIELD's Med-Bay would be full by days end.

"Just ignore them Bruce," Natasha made sure to sneer, so others could see her disgust with them, "They're lucky I don't kill them where they stand."

She could almost hear Bruce's frown, but neither of them said anything else until they got to a room. Her old room. Not that Bruce knew that of course.

She punched in the key code and stood to the side with her arms crossed until Bruce went in first.

Once she was inside, the door _whooshed_ closed and she went to work pulling out clothes for him. They were his. She had taken a set of clothes from each of the men in the Tower and put them all in her room in various places, so none of them were mixed up. In case they were necessary at any point in time. (Even Pepper had a few sets in here somewhere.)

But of course none of them knew that either. Bruce just stood shocked as she handed him the clothes, but the frown still stayed in place and he never moved.

Sighing in exasperation, Natasha growled, "What?"

"I thought…" he shook his head and turned away.

"What Bruce? I won't ask again."

He stiffened at her short tone but turned back none the less.

"Why would you care about what they thought of me if you're just as angry at me for the same thing? I didn't take you for the hypocritical type."

"Is that what you think?" Natasha smiled inside. Poor Bruce was predictable. And she knew just how to help him, "You think I'm angry at you?"

"Aren't you?" Bruce asked bitterly, "Isn't everyone, always?"

"Goddamn it Bruce!" She shouted, startling him, "I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at _myself_!"

"Y-Yourself…" he stuttered, "Why?

"Because I couldn't even follow simple instructions, and I made you risk your life for me on account of my screw up!"

"Natasha there's no way you've could've secured it correctly without proper equipment and it was stupid of me to make you move it. I should've just came down, but with the…I was too nervous to…I could've gotten you killed Tasha!"

"Bruce," Natasha almost screamed at him, "Any movement in the buildings structure would've caused that shit to blow up anyway and it would've been a hell of a lot more messy if you had just happened to turn in the building because a piece of stray debris hit you. And there was a lot of it falling so I should know! It was your quick thinking that got it outside, and saved my ass. There was no way anyone could've fixed what had already been done to the fucking chemical, and the Hulk saved me! Our entire team would be dead ten times over if it wasn't for him so just suck it up already! Everyone survived because of you. All of those buildings you destroyed were due for destruction anyway or SHEILD would've stopped you! God, Tony does more damage making Sunday brunch than what you did," at this Bruce gave a bark of laughter, "Just stop the self-pity because if I'm not allowed to do it neither are you, okay?"

Bruce examined her and her expression softened a bit so he could see she was never really mad at him. Then he grinned.

"Tony locked you out of Tower until you found me didn't he?"

She gaped at him for a moment and the shook her head.

"You've got five minutes to change Banner," she sniped as she threw his pants over his head, "Or I'm leaving without you."

Bruce just laughed.

Needless to say, the infirmary was indeed full the next day, and Natasha was doing over half of all of the injured Agents' paperwork by herself, but it was worth it to see Bruce smile for the next three days straight. And that's how Natasha looked after Bruce. Banning self-pity.

* * *

Pepper:

It wasn't just Natasha's boys that got her protection or her respect. No, her girl got it too.

Pepper was special. And Natasha means 'sit and eat chocolate ice cream with you on a very bad period day until she herself is bloated' type special.

Pepper did not come along and judge people, or put them on the spot. She cared for anyone and everyone she met, unless they did something to break her trust. And even that could usually be mended with some work. All in all Pepper was unique.

So when people messed with Pepper they messed with the Widow. And today that Widow was once again not very happy with how her web was being run.

Some ass-hat, had photographed Pepper on a casual business meeting with one of the Stark Industries board members. It was just a routine check-up thing for the new CEO that one of the more civil members of the board had set up so that he could keep an eye on her stress levels. It had been set up originally because of Natasha's suggestions but that was of no consequence.

It had never been a problem before, but now, some douche bag with a camera had photographed the two together and called it a scandal. Then, because the man was from Malibu and not New York, they have record of Pepper booking the hotel room for him as a simple gesture of common decency, and made it out to look like she spent the night with him when she went to the concierge in person to make sure he received everything on her nickel.

She was so kind to the man he even flew home for free. And once he was back in Malibu the story hit the front page.

Good lord the poor woman stood in shock for at least ten minutes, staring at the News Stand her and Natasha had passed that day. As Natasha had finally dragged her away tears had started rolling down her cheeks and she looked at her ring finger.

She had thought her engagement was over. But Natasha had sat Pepper down and gotten the whole story before calling Tony and letting him get all of his stupid pride out of the way long before they got home.

When they had gotten home that night, Tony had been waiting for them, probably with some snark as usual, but looking at Pepper's sobbing and dishevelled form all of the words died on his lips. He had simply scooped her up and taken her to bed.

But the fact that Tony believed none of it hadn't helped Pepper a lot.

And today it showed. And today Natasha was pissed.

Pepper had been coming home from SI for the past week, and heading straight to her room to sob herself to sleep. She hadn't talked to Tony, Natasha, not even _Steve_ (and let's be honest, Steve was her gossip buddy, so if he was being shunned, shit was serious) in that whole week and it was only getting worse.

So Natasha had decided to be her shadow for the day.

From the moment Pepper got up, to the moment she left the Tower, Natasha watched her in the vents of the Tower. (She was a woman too so no it was not weird to watch her dress. She had to make sure there was no physical abuse Pepper was hiding didn't she? So stop judging!)

Once Pepper had left the Tower, Natasha used her extensive knowledge of disguises to follow her all the way to the SI building in New York.

And once they were in the building, she took to the vents again.

She knew Pepper's routine by heart, and had learned it when she was her 'assistant' so it was easy to follow her.

She first picked up her coffee at the front desk, but there was a sticky note on it today.

Pepper stared at it for a moment, and without reading it, left her coffee there.

Curious, Natasha took out her binoculars and felt her blood boil.

The sticky note said 'Unfit to be married' in a neat scrawl that made Natasha think of those over weight teachers in all of those high school movies.

That was strike one. And once Natasha's strike system was in place you were already skating on thin ice.

But it didn't stop there. When Pepper got to her office door there was another sticky note on it. Pepper resolutely ignored it, and unlocked her door. As she slammed it shut behind her, Natasha figured that this had been going on all week.

She took out her binoculars again and read this note through the grate.

In big block letters this time, it read 'SCANDAL'.

Strike…_two_. Oh Natasha was going to murder a whole lot of people if they were all taking turns to poke fun at the CEO. She knew most of the staff in Malibu would NEVER resort to this, because they all respected her. They had been at the brunt of Tony's stunts and company transactions after all. But these ungrateful fuck-ups had no clue the shit storm of hurt they had just brought themselves.

But why hadn't Pepper just called the police? This is harassment and she's dealt with harassment before.

Then again…how many of these sticky notes had she gotten? Was the whole company in on this? Well it would definitely be hard to arrest over five hundred employees for harassment in the work place.

Moving through the vent into Pepper's office she looked around and was proud of the fact that no one had broken her key code and had gotten into Pepper's office to place more of those horrid sticky notes in it. But she was horrified to see the unemptied trash can was full of them. She must've not let the cleaning service in to take them away.

_Oh Pepper_...

This was definitely strike three, and fuck these people were in trouble.

Natasha sighed and resigned herself to watching Pepper get through the day. Knowing that tomorrow would be better. She would make it better.

The next day Pepper was called by the few board members in Malibu to discuss an overstaffed issue.

Because she had a six o'clock flight, no one at New York knew she was going, and Tony was left in charge to tell who ever was important.

That gave Natasha the day to go through Pepper's usual routine and grab all of the sticky notes, along with the ones that been left the previous day, and the multitude left in the waste basket.

Natasha brought all of the vile things back to the Tower, where Tony set up a scanner in his lab. Each one went through, and the hand writing was matched to a SI employee. Who was promptly written a letter of termination by JARVIS and a pink slip soon followed.

They did that one thousand times (the number of sticky notes and not people because some were doubled. The doubles only had twenty minutes to pack up their things the next day) and Natasha and Tony were both so worked up afterward that they sparred each other all afternoon and into the night. (Tony was surprisingly good.)

Steve finally pulled them apart at ten and they went walking to calm down further until twelve.

After that, they went to work buying flowers and cards by the dozen over the phone and via internet, until Pepper got home two days later.

Apparently the board had been notified of a lack of employees in New York and with too many in Malibu, it seemed sensible to just transfer them over. And since many of them would live and/or work in the Tower and the SI building next door it wouldn't be a problem. So Pepper had spent two days finalizing all of that paperwork before she came home to find flowers and cards by the dozen addressed from either Tony or Natasha and the occasional one thrown in from a guilty employee who hadn't noticed what was going on.

Needless to say Pepper was greeted like that all the way up until Valentine's Day (this started happening in September) when she finally said 'Enough flowers Tony!'

And although Pepper had never once acknowledged Natasha's involvement in all of this, Natasha wasn't stupid. That giant gift basket of Vodka and cherries with dark chocolate and macadamia nut cookies that wound up in her doorway on her birthday _was not_ from Clint, no matter how much the bastard tried to convince her otherwise. He just wasn't that thoughtful. And that's how Natasha looked after Pepper. From a distance.

* * *

Thor:

All was not right in Natasha's little universe because there were fuckers messing with her God of Thunder. And these fuckers just picked the wrong fucking day.

She was so fucking pissed she could've fought Thor and Steve both and still won, because she definitely wouldn't be feeling any pain.

Her last mission was fucked up by one of the trainees she had been forced into taking, her personal gym had been dyed pink with paint balls because Clint thought it would be _funny_, (and Natasha had thanked him for the redecorating by making sure he'd never have children) and now she had come to the Helicarrier for some peace a quiet (and routine paperwork) to help her calm down.

But she had come to find that people were fucking with Thor. And they were not going to live if she had any say about it.

They had picked the cruelest subject to joke about too. _Jane._

Oh Natasha's anger level was beyond description. This was just fucking sadistic.

According to the recordings she had found a few minutes prior to her current stalking, Thor had arrived yesterday, looking for Jane since she was no longer in New Mexico or London and Heimdal was busy doing something mystical or other. She wasn't sure really, all she knew was that he was unavailable.

Anyway, that was irrelevant. What was relevant was that some of the Agents thought it would be funny to see Thor hop from realm to realm like a panicked Energizer bunny when they told him that Loki had returned and had taken Jane with him.

Thor had gone back to Asgaard to make sure Loki was still locked up, but apparently Loki had played along and Thor came back even more panicked and had been doing some sadistic scavenger hunt that Loki had created all over Earth looking for poor Jane. Really she was in an underwater research facility in the Pacific at present and the poor man had been running himself ragged.

So Natasha had intercepted him a few minutes ago and was now stalking with his broken puppy form down the halls towards Director Fury's office. Shit was about to get fucking real.

"She's fine Thor. I talked to her myself yesterday," Natasha said for the third time, although it seemed to do no good. Really her icy heart ached for the poor guy. All he wanted to know was that Jane was safe.

"I truly hope you are correct Lady Natasha but my brother's lies are very convincing."

Oh god Natasha was going to kill Loki and those Agents if it was the last thing she fucking did!

With renewed vigour and a snarl that Thor could've sworn only came from bilge snipe she threw the door to Director Fury's office open.

Director Fury, to his credit did not jump (or he tried to tell himself that) but when you are staring into the eyes of a raging Natasha Romanoff it is very hard not to get the teensiest bit nervous (not that he would ever admit that he was).

"Yes Agent Romanoff?" he inquired with a steady voice (that surprised himself, because who's really that steady looking death square in the face?)

Natasha growled lowly, and then pointed at Thor, "Are you aware of the _shit_ your Agents are pulling on _my_ teammate?"

The temperature in the room dropped as her tone got lower and lower and Fury almost shivered when his gaze shifted to Thor and back to her piercing gaze. This was bad. (And Tony's voice rang in his head, 'No shit Pirate Pete, what gave you that impression?')

But outwardly he was the epitome of professionalism and crossed his arms, "Why don't you enlighten me?"

And enlighten Natasha did, with all of her cold fury, because she was not one to let her emotions get to her, but fuck, this was demented.

This was reminiscent of what the Red Room had put her through with Alexei and it was _fucking cruel_. She wouldn't stand for it.

And with Thor of all people who wouldn't even know the first thing about that kind of torture. It was…so much like her life she didn't know whether to put each of their heads on a stake and burn them or break down and cry. It was just…not right.

And when she was finished Fury looked her straight in the eye, feeling equal parts anger and sympathy for her and Thor, and told her, "You have my permission to take disciplinary action with both the Agents, and Loki as long as we can identify the bodies."

Which in 'Fury-speak' meant 'Please keep them alive enough to do work for me'.

Natasha just nodded and turned around, stalking toward the bridge.

Somehow, three extra Agents ended up in the infirmary in the Siberian SHEILD base that was furthest from civilisation and were on permanent detail there.

Jane ended up back at the Tower, and was greeted by an ecstatic God of Thunder the next day, with no knowledge of how she got there.

And the day after that, when Natasha finally returned and skulked to her room in the Tower, Thor got a messenger from Heimdal that Loki had been beaten and with no magic to heal himself with in his little prison, they were waiting for Thor's orders on what to do with him.

Needless to say Natasha was touched when she received a gown of the finest Asgaardian silk and Thor was never seen without a certain gem that had been confiscated from the little red head. Because although he appreciated the gesture he detested healing his own brother.

But that was how Natasha looked after Thor. Travelling between realms. (And beating sadistic little brothers with their own glow stick of destiny on her really bad days.)

* * *

Steve:

Natasha loved Steve. He was sweet and kind and caring in that brotherly way, and he generally tried to make everybody like him. Tony was a special case and they had the occasional truce, but most of the time they were at each other's throats.

However, Steve was still an all-around nice guy. So when it came to women of the 21st century and their desire to try and sink their slime-soaked hooks into Captain America, Natasha was all over it.

Background checks, character references, Facebook and Twitter creeping, phone call monitoring, you name it, she did it.

And today was Steve's date with a lovely woman named _Beth_. Personally, Natasha thought _Bitch_ was more appropriate.

This little twat was now showcasing Steve around like some trophy. Earlier today Natasha had witnessed _Beth_ guilt Steve into buying her what could be constituted as a whole new wardrobe.

Well that wouldn't fly with Natasha around at all. That was strike one for the lovely bimbo. _Here we go with the strikes again…will people never learn?_

Beth didn't seem to stop there though. No after Nat had gone to the cashier of the clothing store and gotten all of Steve's money back (and charged the bill to Tony of course) Natasha witnessed Steve carrying _all_ (and she means ALL) of the thirty-one bags _Beth _had purchased into a coffee shop.

They stayed there for a while and didn't do much. That was until Steve seemed to be getting uncomfortable.

Being the stealthy spy she was she stole into the coffee shop and perched as near them as she could get without being exposed by the window she had watched them from.

It was a surprisingly good table so she definitely heard _Beth's_ indignant cry, "You're keeping a secret from me are you? Why is it such a big deal? What's wrong with telling me how to get invited to one of Stark's parties? I mean you live with the guy! Surely you could get your girlfriend invited to one!?"

_Strike __**two**_. Natasha ground her teeth.

Bitch-y…excuse her French, Beth-y here wasn't making a good first impression on the assassin. And she was playing Steve conscious against him? Good lord what was the world coming to when you had to play _Captain America_ to get what you want?

But strike three came rather fast.

"I mean I could try but Natasha is in charge of all guest lists, and has been since the buffet incident (A story for another time). I mean she is pretty strict when it comes to backgrounds and your…"

"My what, Steve? My record? He was an abusive and cheating boyfriend! And who's to say your any better? The way you talk about this Natasha, like you'd rather date her than me!"

Natasha's pen snapped in her hand. Oh _no_ she didn't. Not with Steve. She did not just accuse the nicest man on the face of the earth of two timing, and doing it with his best friend of all people. Just…**_NO_**. Strike three had come to haunt Beth.

So Natasha did what any good friend does when their friend was on a floundering date. Get them out. _And fast_. Because this woman was horrible and there were tons better waiting somewhere for Steve that wasn't here, in this diner.

She whipped out her cell phone and dialed.

Steve's cell phone rang and she patiently waited while he fumbled to answer. When he did answer she could hear his shock and hurt just in his voice, let alone see it from where she was sitting.

"I just called to let you know Tony needs your help with something. Don't ask me what it is, because I've no clue, he just said he needs you and he's too lazy to call you himself."

It was half-true…yesterday. She had called for the same thing yesterday, but it had been true then. Today it was just an alibi. But poor Steve needed it because he couldn't lie to save his life.

She did however, notice how Steve's eyes flicked over to where she was sitting and then back to Beth before he sighed.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be there in a minute Tash."

"Good."

Steve hung up with another sigh and across the table _Beth_ was scowling.

"My friend called. She said Tony needs my help in the lab, so I need to go. Maybe I'll call you later."

He didn't say another word as he trudged out of the diner and for all of Beth's indignant huffing Natasha admired her own restraint. Steve didn't need the further humiliation of her calling Beth out here in public. He didn't need a woman to defend him in public at all. He just needed a real friend.

And so Natasha sat quietly and sipped her coffee until Steve was gone and watched Beth scowl at a moment at all of the bags she had to carry. Then she was hunting for her phone that had been on the table when she and Steve had sat down…

Natasha did a spit take as she realized where the phone had gone.

It took all of her composure not to end up on the floor crying and laughing until she could breathe. Beth had just been robbed by Captain America.

It took a few deep breaths, and few giggles, before she calmed down and went to pay for her coffee.

And it didn't surprise her when she got into her car, that Steve was there waiting for her. She did finally break down and laugh hard when she saw he was flipping _Beth's _phone around and around.

As he laughed, Steve grinned, "I learned from the best."

Needless to say she laughed all the way back to the Tower.

Because she had indeed taught Steve how to do that. And that was all the thanks she needed. Natasha took care of Steve by being a real friend. (And an excellent teacher.)

* * *

Phil:

There was nothing really to say about how Natasha protected Phil. It was constant and necessary because of the constant flow of new Agents. They were really the only ones who never seemed to learn that whenever you made a comment about Phil Coulson and he wasn't there to defend himself (because he was dead) that they ended up with dye packs in their coffee, or bullet holes in their computer screens.

That's how Natasha looks after Phil. By looking after his memory.

* * *

Clint:

Natasha would throw herself in front of a bullet for any of her teammates. Today it just happened to be Clint.

But it was appropriate because he knew her best. He knew how much it took for her to care and he knew the importance of this although he didn't seem to like it much.

Of course none of her teammates seemed to like it much.

It had been another bad, bad day where another mission went very wrong and there were twice as many targets as there were supposed to be and there was no back up and only half of the team went because Thor was off world, and Bruce was on a humanitarian mission on behalf of SHEILD, and Steve had been in DC on another fruitless Council expedition.

So yes, they were in a heated battle zone with twice as many targets as they accounted for and only three people.

Her, Tony, and Clint.

And while Tony was protected by his suit, Natasha and Clint were both completely exposed in the kill zone. They were literally boxed in by the surrounding warehouses of a secluded area near Gulmira. (Coincidence? Natasha thinks **_not_**!)

Fury had dropped them right into the trap, when the targets were supposed to be three miles away yet.

But that happened occasionally, so they had taken cover as best they could, and stayed low while Tony tried to take out enough people to get them to higher and safer ground. But there had been a spray of bullets that had strayed too close to Clint. And she zeroed in on the culprit to see him changing aim, to make sure to hit Clint this time. So instead of raising her empty guns she threw herself in front of her partner and didn't register the pain of being shot in the shoulder blade until she heard Clint frantically calling for Tony.

"Stark! You've gotta get us out of here! Tasha's hit, Stark!"

Clint never had any preservation skills and he worried entirely too much. Now he was making an even bigger target of himself and she was fine. She hoped.

"Forget it Stark," she barked out and threw herself to her side and rolled with Clint out of the way of another spray of gun fire, "It's just Clint testing out his new bag of stupidity. Carry on."

"_You got it Spidey._" Natasha could hear the worry in Tony's voice but they both ignored it and continued to take out bad guys.

Natasha didn't register where she was hit the second time either, in the neck, when she saw Clint sitting up to high, or the third time, in the stomach, when she was thrown by the impact into the direct line of fire.

But she would do it again for Clint. Because that's how she protected him. She looked after Clint by keeping him safe from his own stupidity. And come to think of it…she protected the rest of them that way as well.

* * *

And whenever Natasha got abused or injured or hurt, all of her boys and her girl would gather around her in her hospital bed and look after her. Because that's all they knew how to do. That's all she would let them do. That's all she really _needed_ them to do. And she was okay with that. And so were they.


End file.
